but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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