This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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