I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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