okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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