i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm bleeding and have questions
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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