hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
