kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
