watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
