We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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