I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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