I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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