Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
