she was so not down for the gang bang
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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