So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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