Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
