I didn't shave. On purpose
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
