She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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