You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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