i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
