he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
