this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize