he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
