you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
