my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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