just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
