i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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