respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
