Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
