I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
These tits shall not be calmed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
