adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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