One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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