Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
