i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
