I look better un-naked...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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