so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
