He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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