I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
