My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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