new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
