I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize