you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
