Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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