***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
