I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
