I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
