did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
