And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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