An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
