the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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