i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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