i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
