I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
porn star boner night. come get it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
