Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize