well you can't waste a boner
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
