yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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