It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize