I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize