pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
