my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
