At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
