It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
