never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
