So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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