I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
