She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
