i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
