I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
