friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
