I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize