This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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