I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize