yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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