Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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