The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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