Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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