she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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