Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think my vagina is haunted
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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