Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
