you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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